ere every morning and I kept looking for a revelation, but nothing happened.
And then, much later, I discovered that it had happened, right there in the church. I could recall, vividly, one by one, the people I had seen there—the solemn laborers with tired looks, the old women with gnarled hands. Life had knocked them around, but for a brief moment they were being refreshed by an ennobling experience. It seemed as they prayed their worn faces lighted up and they became the very vessels of God. Here was my revelation. Suddenly I realized I was one of them. In my need I gained strength from the knowledge that they too had needs, and I felt an interdependence with them. I experienced a flood of compassion for people. I was learning the meaning of “Love thy neighbor...”
Truths as old and simple as this began to light up for me like the faces of the men and women in the little church. When I read the Bible now, as I do frequently, I take the teachings of men like Jesus and David and St. Paul as the helpful advice of trusted friends about how to live. They understand that life is full of complications and often heavy blows and they are showing me the wisest way through it. I must help myself, yes, but I am not such a self-contained unit that I can live aloof, unto myself. This was the meaning that had been missing before: the realization that I was a living part of God’s world of people.
多年前,我曾经历了一场恶狗大战。当时,我正推着婴儿车,短脚长耳的宠物犬一路小跑地跟在身边。毫无预兆的,三只狗—— 一只阿富汗猎犬、一只圣比纳救护犬和一只达尔马提亚狗突然向我的狗扑来,拼命地撕咬它。我大叫着请求帮忙,只见两个人停车看了看又开车走了。
看到这些,我顿时愤怒不已,于是亲自上阵去阻止这场恶战。我的戏剧训练从未有过这样的震撼力。我怒声呵斥,动作惹眼,像驯兽师那样控制住混乱的局面,最终三只狗落荒而逃。
回想起来,我觉得自己的行为与其说是愤怒之举,不如说是一种意识到必须依靠自己的力量,自己帮助自己的举动。
生活看起来就像是一连串必须要面对的危机。但在集中精力面对它们时,我曾自欺欺人地夸大了自我的重要性。我觉得自己可以独立面对危机,却又隐约感觉到周围还有其他人存在。我努力奋斗着,最终获得“成功”。在戏剧圈中,我很小就懂得了为观众服务的规矩。无论台上台下,观众付了钱,就期待你献出最佳的表演。于是,我加入了委员会,发表演讲,支持公益事业。然而,不知何故,做这些事情的意义却荡然无存。
患小儿麻痹的女儿夭折时,所有人都向我伸出了援手。然而,最初我简直无法接受这一切,甚至难以接受朋友的关爱;所有的支持似乎都显得苍白无力。
玛丽尚在病中时,我常会早起到医院附近的小教堂祈祷。